We’re All 50 Shades Of Fucked Up

We are all 50 shades of fucked up, most of us just don’t admit.

I find myself sitting here, feeling anger, resentment and deep sadness.

This morning I met a lady who told us that she is a receptionist and every time she answers the phone, she is scared that she won’t be able help, she won’t be understood and they will get upset with her.

A man said, I noticed earlier you wanted to say something and your husband spoke for you.

I looked at her and I thought, “When did it start for you? What happened?”

She is a 63-year-old woman and lived her entire life scared to pick up the phone and she is a receptionist!

I know when it started for me, when did it start for you?

Tears rolled down my face on my drive home as I remembered, as I wonder, if at any stage it made sense.

  • For every woman who has been abused and not told anyone.
  • For every woman who has been abused and told someone and they did nothing.
  • For every child who has been sexually abused and never told anyone.
  • For every child who has been sexually abused and told someone and they did nothing.
  • For every child who has either witnessed or been sexually abused and in their trauma, forgotten.
  • For every woman who is/ has been controlled by a man…

… Stay in this area.

… You’re not allowed to work there.

… You’re not allowed to be their friend.

… You’re not to associate with them.

… You’re not allowed to work.

… You’re not to dress like that.

For every woman who isn’t respected by a man.

… Why are you talking to him?

… Listen to my day, but I will walk away when we talk about yours.

… I will speak for you.

… We have sex when I want.

… It’s what I want, not what you want.

… The expectation that you are to cook, clean, look after the child and organise… everything.

For every woman who has been told she needs to act a certain way, look a certain way and “Don’t do that, it’s not ladylike.”

… Women don’t eat that.

… Women don’t sit like that.

… Women don’t speak like that.

… And when you do speak like that, you must have your period.

This is happening all around us. I am fucking done with it.

For generations, women have been pushed into submission.

The sexual abuse that happened at social gatherings is a joke.

What is a bigger joke is the secret isn’t out.

What’s an even bigger joke is people trying to live their lives and pretend it didn’t happen.

The physical abuse that has happened in front of other people and your friends…. Your FRIENDS walked out the side door and pretend it didn’t happen.

God must look down on us and think we’re fucking morons.

We are all 50 shades of fucked up, most of us just don’t admit.

As for the men.

The anger subsides when you look a little deeper because the madness continues.

… They are told they can’t cry, because men don’t do that.

… They can’t wear certain colors because only girls wear that.

… Men don’t play that sport.

… Men don’t show their feelings.

… Men shouldn’t lead with their heart.

… Men can’t lose control.

You see how and why it’s all unfold like it has, we have a lot of say and we need to start to saying it.

I can’t live a lie.

I can’t pretend.

I will no longer hide or shrink.

I will no longer stay quiet.

 

 

Copy of 21 DayHedonistic Immersion (4)

 

 

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