What is YOUR Sacred Play Profile?
Everyone has a Love Language and a kink profile, no one is exempt from this and if you want to deepen your relationship, connections and soul relate than this is something you’ll want to sink your teeth into.
It brings a sacredness to kink, play and BDSM.
Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Overview.
There are five love languages and we usually have one dominant and a second which is also important to us.
Knowing your love language makes connecting with others so much easier because you know how you’re wired and how to handle conflict. Knowing your partner’s love language is also super helpful because without it we tend to treat them and give them what WE like, need and want, not what THEY like, need and want.
The Five Love Languages are-
Physical touch.
Words of Affirmation.
Quality Time.
Acts of service.
Gifts.
You may know what you are or you may not, you can take the quiz here and take notice of your top two. If you haven’t done it in ages I recommend doing it again because we do change over time.
Words of affirmation
These are verbal expressions of care and affection. Think: “Thanks for putting the kids to bed” or “You looked nice today.” Conversely, insults can be particularly upsetting to people who favour words of affirmation.
Gifts
Tangible and intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed. Going to your partner’s concert, flowers or any gifts. People who favour this love language don’t want to forget a special occasion.
Acts of Service
Putting in the time to show your partner that you care for them through action. It can be romantic or something intended to ease their daily burden. Clean the house, mow the lawn, make breakfast in bed—anything to communicate your love through service. Actions speak louder than words.
Quality Time
Undivided attention and quality time without all the distractions, phone away, take them somewhere that you can have a conversation.
Physical Touch
This connection is through touch, it isn’t always about sex and no words have to be spoken and could be said with a hug. A warm embrace, a hand to hold will say a million words.
BDSM Profiles.
BDSM- Bondage, Dominant/ Discipline, Submissive/ Sadism, Masochism.
You may like one, two or all of those definitions, it’s not an all or nothing and it covers everything that is outside of the “vanilla” profile.
The bondage and discipline are just that, either giving or receiving punishment and/or being bound in the same way.
Dominant/ Dominatrix.
Also referred to as a “top”.
A Dom is a person in charge, you like to be in charge and the one who is in “control” of the “play”.
It’s not unusual for people, who are submissive in their lives to enjoy being a Dom, BDSM play creates equilibrium in our nervous system so it helps to balance out our cortisol.
A Dom’s name could be Master/ Mistress, Teacher, Tutor, Sir or Queen… determined by the Dom.
A key point is to understand this is not about personal agenda or control; it is benevolence and being able to hold the space and please the submissive. Complete consent, safewords, aftercare –plan and hard yes’s and no’s must be in place.
A Soul Dom: Is about worship and surrender of their submissive.
Submissive.
Also referred to as a “bottom”.
Aim- To please.
A sub has a few subcategories,
Slave– to be owned, someone who considers themselves and/ or enjoys being of service to please their Dom. This may be as a role play in the “bedroom” or it might be a permanent relationship that is a way of life and the slave gives full consent and a contract in place.
Brat– someone who enjoys being submissive and gets off on talking back and teasing their Dom. They are very “brat” like.
Boy/ Girl– someone who enjoys childlike or baby-like behaviour and enjoys being coddled.
Soul Sub– someone who wants to surrender and sink into a level of trust to play with the polarity of their spiritual evolution and/ or soul relate to their lover and bring an act of worship into play.
Submissive people can be socially confident, extrovert, in high powered careers or are responsible for big decisions like to submit because it creates balance in their lives and gives them a chance to “switch off” and let someone else take the lead.
Switch- Someone is like both being Dominant and submissive and likes to switch between the two.
Sadist– Someone who enjoys seeing someone in pain, more or may not include verbal degradation.
Masochist– Someone who enjoyed being in pain often invested in pain and will manipulate a situation to be punished. More or may not include verbal degradation.
Kink Profiles.
Are the flavours in which you like to play, what happens inside the play beyond the “roles”.
You may be one or several.
Kinkster– to play and experiment, hedonistic, creative and often switch.
Voyeurism– someone who likes to watch.
Fetish– someone who has a very particular and singular point of obsession.
Rigger– someone who like to tie someone up using a shibari style art form.
Rope bunny– someone who likes to be tied up.
Crossdresser/ Sissy Maid/ Drag– someone who wants to be feminine.
Roleplay– Mum/ Dad, Employer/ Employee, Pet.
Exhibitionist– someone who likes to be seen in public or “perform”
Primal Hunter– someone who likes to play with the primal instincts and enjoys the rawness, likes to hunt their “prey.”
Primal Prey– someone who likes to play with the primal instincts and enjoys the rawness, likes to be “hunted”.
Vanilla– someone who enjoys regular sex and relationship models.
Combining Your Love Language To Your Kink Profile.
It’s important to remember that it’s not about YOUR language and profile, but THEIR language and profile.
However, BDSM is about trust and MUTUAL consent, awareness and respect, so both parties must know each other’s language and profile to ensure ALL needs are met.
There is a level of vulnerability that this requires so ensuring everyone is safe, feels safe and open communication is important.
It’s NOT about personal gain, agenda or control, it’s about benevolence and worship. No one is overpowering anyone and there is mutual trust at all times.
Before any play, safe words and actions must be in place and a thorough understanding of hard yes and no’s, and soft yes and no’s.
What are a Hard Yes & a Hard No?
Create a list of everything you and your playmate want to explore, try and want. Mutual respect for both and all.
It’s hell yeah I want this or a hell no don’t go there under ANY circumstances.
What are a Soft Yes & a Soft No?
It’s a yes, but tread lightly because I’m not sure, however, I am willing to try.
A soft no is no… but it might be a yes at some point. Keep communication open for soft no’s and always double-check, triple-check before commencing.
Your Erotic Love & Kink Profile.
Words of affirmation and Kink.
Being vocal, expressive and using erotic love language will be a major turn-on.
If you’re a sadist, a masochist who enjoys degradation these words take on a degrading favour.
If you’re Dom and your sub has words of affirmation as a love language you will use words that help them surrender, trust and deepen into the experience. Tell them how pleased you are with them.
If you’re a Sub and your Dom has words, you will seek approval or tell them how good kind they are.
Express desires.
Words of appreciation and gratitude.
Aftercare is important and reassures them how well they went and how exactly they can take care of themselves.
Games, Poems, Cards or fantasy and sensory play where you’re using words to narrate the play.
Physical Touch & Kink.
Well really, you can take this as far as your imagination allows…
For inspiration, you want to lean in on the kink profile, for example-
A Dom would use this a lot to dictate, reassure and guide the Sub.
A Sub would use small and suggestive movements to seek, approve or appease the Dom.
A Brat/ Brat Tamer would tease and use edging to play with the edge.
A Kinkster would use the body as clay and mould, play and go where the arousal and fun is.
A Sadist would spank with the hands,
A Primal would use raw animalistic gestures and movements, teeth, tongue, claws….
You might use sensory play.
Aftercare would ideally have a touchpoint, nurturing gestures to relax the nervous system and ensure they feel safe. If physical touch isn’t possible use words to express and activate a moment or memory from the play session or if I could touch you right now I would…
Thinks, cuffs, floggers and sensory play.
Acts of Service & Kink.
This combination is a beautiful way to allow it to spill out beyond play or to bring an act of worship to play.
I highly recommend Lingam massage or a Yoni massage as an act of worship and soul relating.
A Dom would arrange a play that was the Sub’s fantasy.
A Sub would do exactly as the Dom wanted and surrender into a trust or do something expected that they know their Dom would be pleased with.
Visional Play.
Oils.
Vibrators and dildos.
Rope.
Gifts & Kink.
A Dom would buy gifts for the Sub or gift them with an experience or fantasy to reward them for when they have been “good.”
A Sub would buy their Dom new play toys, lingerie, play clothes or anything they know would make their Dom happy.
A Masochist or Brat would buy something that they secretly want to experience and/ or push the Dom to the edge of receiving more punishment.
Aftercare would be a gift that brings a sense of peace, helps them relax and feel seen. Loved and wanted.
This is subjective to each person but I had to go for anything that creates the mood for the play, lingerie, accessories etc…
Quality Time & Kink
Think of anything that is drawn out and something that allows a deep connection to unfold.
Shibari and rope play is amazing for this, it’s devoted time and attention.
Sensory play is also good,
Creating an experience or sequence of play that heighten, edge and build upon the suspense and arousal.
A Dom might plan a sequence of events or things leading up to the play and give snippets or teases as to what is going to unfold…
A Sub will devote time, patience and willingness to the Dom.
Aftercare would be to give them some time, undivided attention to reassure them they are seen and heard. Five minutes of undivided attention is better than an hour and a distracting conversation.
Anything that creates an experience.
Shibari,
Oils,
Nipple clamps.
Sacred kink, play and exploration deepen your relationship to self and your partner/ lover. Understanding their kink and love language has a huge impact on every area of your relationship.
It starts with self and expands from there and the important thing in this journey is to have open lines of communication, it will become an integral part of your happiness and love for life.
To discover your Love Language go here.
To discover your Kink Profile go here.
To purchase toys go here.
To better understand Consent go here.
To dive deeper into your Erotic Kink join me.
