I am really excited to open the discussion around the elephant in the room, it might be virtual, in your workplace, within your industry, your community or your school. Either way it’s there, lingering.
But why does it bother us and what can we do?
We go through our lives and we experience this as children and we leave school thinking it’s far behind us. Instead it follows us into adult life, often it’s more intense in adulthood than in our teenage years.
Cliques come from wanting a sense of belonging, acceptance and understanding. Once we understand that it’s about connection; when I refer to connection, I mean a genuine, authentic, non-judgmental, no hierarchical two-way relationship that any two people can have. Where we accept each other wholeheartedly for who we are, all sides of ourselves even the not so good side, non-judgmental, always there and not in each others pockets, an openness and willingness to share and engage and know that we are not above or below each other, but together in this journey.
3 Things You Need To Know Before You Enter Into The Danger Zone Of A Clique.
1. You’re conforming: Whether you realise it or not, you are conforming and morphing into something that is diluting who you really are. Becoming a part of a “clique” you feel like they are accepting you, “seeing” you, trusting you and you have that sense of belonging… And they are on a level that they are able to, but it comes from a place of hierarchy. Not from a place of oneness and understanding.
You see there is a fine distorted and one-sided line.
Notice how they do not embrace everyone, they are selective with who they interact with and you are always questioning yourself and your connection with them. You’re in the relationship wholeheartedly (without being a leech), but they aren’t.
2. The attachment relationship: being in this frequency attracts the people who become needy and solely reliant on you. They feel like they need you in order to function and feel. To feel the need to go everywhere, do everything and be in every circle… a serious case of FOMO.
3. The cool kids: We see them online and in “real” life. They run in packs and they are as thick as thieves, they comment on each other’s sites, ALL the time and so does their groupies. They interact with each other and each other only, occasionally they expand the circle and it’s like a Willy Wonka golden ticket, everyone want’s in.
Ask yourself in this moment when you are feeling left out and like you don’t belong. How this makes you feel? Guaranteed it’s not good. See it for what it is and bless them, bless them with love for where they are.
This is a trigger for all of us, because guaranteed we have experienced this at some stage throughout our lives. It’s a matter of taking this trigger and allowing yourself in that moment to love who you are.
Oprah, the Dali Lama or Nelson Mandala understand that we are all one, united equal beings that are here on this planet for a reason and that’s to be all we can be. They give copious amounts of love to the masses, always. There is NO clique, just a genuine desire to connect, serve and BE.
They are sitting on the fence, their words are safe and actions are limiting, and that’s OK. They are, where they are and that’s cool. Wisdom, connection and the ability to tap into something that is so spectacular does not come from sitting on the face. They may bite when someone speaks from their own independent viewpoint when they put their stake in the ground, because they don’t understand when somebody speaks their truth it’s in no way attached them personally. It’s the false sense of acceptance that they get from pack that makes their defences go up. I see them lurking and seeing what’s going on, but only connecting in a way that feels safe of the constraints of the pack. They stand together, but they are feeding the Grand Poobah of the pack. Yes, they get traction and people look at them with wonder and admiration, but next time you catch up yourself doing this, look deeper. What are their individual messages and thoughts? Is the Grand Poobah really empowering the pack to stand strong and speak their individual truth, as they see it at that time or is it feeding one sole line of thought and growth?
You can stand tall, in a circle where you are free to BE, encouraged to be YOU, excited to be you and to speak your absolute truth and put your stake in the ground and not care what other people think or say, because you KNOW your tribe are out there and you may not have even discovered and found them yet, but you know, trust and believe they are ready and waiting in the wings for you and all you ever have to do is continue to raise the light, your light and there WILL be a time where the point of attraction meets the law of attraction and you are READY to embrace your tribe, see your tribe for who they are and stand in a circle. Where you’re NOT on your path, but you are the fucking path and you are lighting that baby up throughout the eons.
There’s a lot of righteousness around connection, community (common-unity) and authenticity. You can talk about it, promote it and know it. And still be someone who doesn’t really genuinely connect with anyone or you’re selective with who you do interact with. You might even call yourself an introvert, but here’s a fun fact… so is Richard Branson. BUT his ability to see the bigger picture and his genuine love of connection and sense of fun drives him beyond any limiting labels he puts on himself. He knows, sees and plays in the game of life… Because that’s all it really is… follow your excitement and trust that, it’s leading you to more excitement. And so it is.
