In deep gratitude to the year of completion.
As I bow at the feet of The All, source, spirit, the universe, god and the divine, it is with every inch of my being that I say, “OK, you win. I am to play, dance and sing.”
It is from this space of realising that for as devoted, as I have been your servant, your student. It appears to be but a fragment of my imagination.
As I felt my body and soul scream did I begin to retreat and really listen. As I let my soul scribe, drive my vehicle as I slept my way through this new consciousness. As I explored the void by my thoughts I realised much about myself, like who I am behind the thoughts. It was giving myself the freedom to explore this void. The void that we usually suppress, avoid and ignore.
I am so switched on all the time I don’t know how to just be, beyond a meditation and a pause. Controlling and dancing with spirit in a way that felt safe enough to make me feel supported and connected enough to hear the whispers, but not enough to dare to enter the unknown territory of the void.
The void was holding pain, anger and frustration, not from past trauma and the agony of my past haunting me, but the pain of the present.
… The pain of not being where I want to be, the pain of exhaustion of the 10 year roll-a-coaster the being an emotionally there, conscious parent.
… The pain of working so hard for so long.
… The pain of holding the space for everyone and no one holding the space for me.
… The pain of being an extremist brings the on and off with no in-between.
… The pain of waking up and not knowing how broken I really was. Not from the pain of my past, but from right here right now. As my ego whispers “not as awake as you thought you were.”
Oh the void how you stripped me back to the very core of my existence, both in my mind, spirit and body.
It all started with being tired of the noise online and networking events that don’t really mean or do anything and people that I don’t resonate with.
Frustration by people not being hungry enough to really change their reality, frustrated by people labeling themselves as an extrovert or introvert or masculine and feminine. Why can’t we just be in the present moment and be?
Labels that are wrapped up in spirituality and personal development.
I am not one thing, I am all things. I trust that the woman who rises in any and every moment is the divine right one, no questions asked.
It’s time to feel my soul fully in my body and not something that is outside of myself. As my feet tingle and echo “I am ready.”
I am both a student of the universe and the universe itself.
I am.
