The Paradox Of Self Love

self love

This term along with “self care” is the current call that is being echoed by everyone in wellness world, and maybe in an ideal world there is some truth to it.

Mostly, I think it is bullshit.

I am not dismissing it nor saying that it isn’t important, I am saying that this term is unrealistic and setting the majority of people up to fail.

I know you might of gasped of that, but let me start by saying that, if 8/10 women aren’t happy with they way they look and have gone through their entire life not liking what they see in the mirror, how can they love themselves wholeheartedly within an instant?

Self care?

I am a working, busy Mother of 2 and gone are the days where weekends and weeknights were free and easy. We need to be realistic about this, the most self-loving and caring act we can do for ourselves is to try and be connected and grounded as possible in those busy moments. Feel your feet on the floor, make a ritual out of the mundane and smile as you watch the green light, turn red when you’re late for the that drop off or pick up. Enjoy a bath, a facial or massage whenever you can, but make the mundane the most spiritual and self-nurturing practice you can gift yourself.

We are surrounded by a world where we are brought up to believe that in order to be beautiful we must look a certain way, be a certain colour and be a certain size.

Multi-billion dollar companies make money off the insecurities of people.

The trauma that our bodies are holding onto because 1 in 3 people have been abused either sexually or physically and that’s just the ones we know about. Most people remain silent and keeping their trauma trapped inside them.

Brought up with sayings such as “Like a girl”

My body

My experience

My trauma

My soul contract

My past

Not my future

Feeling like I have been dragged through the wilderness, being so young yet feeling like I had lived a thousand lives.

The darkness

The pain

The illness

The abuse

The doubt

The self loathing

The comparison

Battered, bruised, scarred…

The scars you can’t see.

The what if

The dream

The light

Gifted with a will so strong, yes unwavering, but the dedication, desire and dream that I know I was here for a reason… More than my past, my present and any egoist desire for greatness. Yet for all the hope, all the attention, all the love, all the compliments and the recognition I received throughout my life, nothing was able to shift the fact that I was unable to love myself for as I was

Self love is too far away, it’s like telling a homeless person that they are the next Richard Branson. It feels like an unachievable goal.

What if we started with self-acceptance and self-responsibility?

… Look in the mirror and begin to look into your eyes and say “I love you”

… When you catch yourself thinking something unloving towards yourself, love yourself for that too.

… Put Post-it notes with how you want to feel and who you want to become on your mirror. Let them start with “I AM”

… Accept yourself as you are; if you’re loud, love that, if you’re quiet, love that. Never apologise for who you are.

Accept that no one else but YOU can change your state or your story, take responsibility for that.

There are things that may have happened in your life that forced you to think or be a certain way that were out of your control, but it’s your responsibility to shift it and rewrite your relationship with it now.

Don’t let it shape your present or your future.

Be gentle with yourself.

Listen to music that makes you feel good.

Caress your body like you’re your own lover.

Eat with love and never with guilt.

Speak with kindness in your heart and when you don’t, love that too.

Forget about self-love and self-care, start with self-acceptance and self-responsibility.


I invite you to grab your headphones, close your eyes and listen to this song.
Take some beautiful breathes that connect you to your heart and just let the feeling grow and spread through out your body.