Square peg
Round hole
.
.
Sorry
.
Constantly proving
Always failing
Disappointing
Looking for answers
.
.
Not getting them
Not the ones I want
Faith in the universe
Failing again
.
.
How can God be so cruel?
Give me these gifts
These visions
This desire
This dream
This unwavering relentless craving
.
.
And not deliver
Not meet me half way
As much as we can create our world
.
.
Can we?
Do we?
Sometimes I wonder.
Sometimes I doubt.
But I always have hope.
.
.
Is hope just a cruel feeling?
It feels like a wish, like we don’t believe it.
Not fully.
I am done with hope.
Time for a new feeling.
.
.
Let it be one of certainty.
I am certain I will still fuck it up.
Some where
Some time
Probably more than once
I am certain I will piss people off.
Some where
Some time
I am certain this love I feel will never die.
This hunger will still be throbbing even when I have
“made it”
I am certain my dreams will come true
A lot have already
I forget that sometimes.
I am certain this gift was not given to me by accident.
That I know.
.
.
I am certain that some day,
Some where
Some time
I will look back on this moment and say…
If only she knew what was coming.
If only she knew that answers have their own time line.
.
.
I want it so bad I can taste it
And the flavor is like an orgasm in my mouth.
But if I concentrate too much on the orgasm it goes away.
If I don’t concentrate on the orgasm it goes away.
The paradox.
When we surrender to the orgasm and let it become us
Guide us
Embody us
Connect and expand through us
Feeling love in each moment
Without clinging to any of it too tightly
Then
.
.
Then
It’s implosive and explosive
We are one in that moment.
All moments
But not before I am certain.
